casual ninja

Goin' Great!

2008-03-09T23:48:00.004-05:00

So, surprise, I have basically ignored this place again. I have worthy excuses, but it comes down to me wondering what I do here. I started this blog out of boredom and loneliness. I was going through some rough times and had just moved across the country to try something out. But I struggle with this format and my simultaneous desire to connect with friends and maintain my personal and professional privacy from spambots and the creeps of the world. I have been thinking I might try something new when I move, maybe something that isn't so anonymous, something I could share with my family and colleagues (once I get some of those). I wonder if I could maintain something like that any better. I sort of doubt it, but I'll mull it over. I don't want to kill my little blog, I just don't feel like I have enough time in a day for everything, and I would like to use it as well as possible. I am torn between having a blog my mom could read and being able to curse as much as I want. Cursing seemed pretty important when I started this, but I miss my mom. And I have this imagined perception of my profile as an artist, what comes up when my name is googled sort of thing, that keeps me swathed in my ninja mask of secrecy. Not that I imagine I say anything groundbreaking or of mild interest here, but I would like a gallery to represent me someday, hopefully soon, and want as little of a non-art footprint of me on the web as possible. I am sure most people think these same things, I feel like a fool for dwelling on it long, so I typically just ignore the whole topic and my blog.

Also, I am not very exciting.

In contrast to that statement, however, (I have to mix it up occasionally) I will soon be Mrs. Casual Passion! (Or more likely Ms. Casual Ninja Passion or the like) Hooray for us! We are both too busy with school to do much about it right now, but we will, and that is exciting.

The Great Cross Country Move and New City Caper becomes more of a reality as the months pass and graduation approaches. It is such a relief to see the light at the end of so many tunnels at once. It blinds me with happiness! I look for jobs, I apply for jobs, I care little for the turnout as long as I am there and not here. I would be happy to have an assortment of part time jobs: ideally there would be some variety of teaching, design, or arts admin, but hell I would be fine with almost anything. Again... not caring as long as I am there and not here. What times await! We are closing in on our living arrangements, which is one less thing to stress about and one more thing to look forward to. I love you, New Place!

And I will install my thesis exhibition in three weeks. Thrilling and nerve-wracking! Will it be completed in time? Who can say! Will the corresponding paper be written? Let's hope so! I am on spring break this week, and have already begun feeling more productive and on track than I possibly can during the normal span of the semester. It is a relief to have no obligation other than to make work, this is what I had envisioned when I pictured graduate school. No work, no classes, just time in the studio and to myself. I even have time to have some fun and be occasionally lazy without feeling guilty. I played a video game today! Girl Gone Wild! SPRING BREAK! WOOO!

I know what you're thinking. Take it easy, girlfriend. But I have my groove back! I went ice skating today with some friends. It was enjoyable and suitably clumsy. My right leg and ankle are sore from skating in the same circular direction for so long. There was this little boy whose parents basically dropped him at the rink unsupervised and sat off in the distance reading the New Yorker. He was cutting back and forth across the diameter of the rink as fast as he could with no regard for lanes or the safety of others, I called him Bullet and waited to be knocked on my ass by a baby. In regards to the other, more cautious children: there were these adorable little contraptions that looked like little walkers, but were meant to help the little ones stay upright on the ice. So there were all these cringingly cute kids wearing helmets (one little girl's had flames shooting across it) and pushing walkers across the ice. I couldn't stop pointing them out, despite there being dozens of them, yet no one seemed to find them as amazing and noteworthy as I did. Babies! With Helmets! And Walkers! On Ice!

It was something like this web photo, but the helmets and sheer number of them made it so much more painfully cute:

Speaking of helmets, I have been growing my hair out for Locks of Love. It is taking a lot longer to get 10 inches worth than I had possibly imagined. It started off with me being too poor to afford a haircut, then it turned into wondering what long hair would be like again after so many years with short hair, which evolved into thinking I should help a worthwhile cause... what's a few more months? But it is difficult. I have personal ties to alopecia and the effects of cancer treatments and it is hard on anyone to lose their hair, but especially kids. It is heartbreaking to see a little one dealing with not having eyebrows and eyelashes, let alone hair on their head. But I can sort of help with that part, just a little bit. Maybe part of one wig. So I remind myself of this when I am frustrated with this mop. I can't wait to cut it down, I miss short hair, but this thing is happening. You better appreciate this, children!

My thesis exhibition will be up from early April through mid-May, so if any of you fine folks have reason to pass through my neck of the woods during that window, drop me a line and I will give you all of the dirt. I am planning to have a solo show at the gallery I run to correspond with part of the official thesis show, so you could potentially see not one, not three, but TWO shows of my work! A true value at thrice the price!

See you soon.

2007-12-20T15:58:00.000-05:00

Hey Homies.
As I wrote the word "homie," I wondered if the kids still use that term, and if it still means what I think it means. My computer tells me it means "a homeboy or homegirl." I like getting my computer to tell me stupid things. You are a fool, applebot.

So, Homeboy or Homegirl, I have missed you. I am on my last winter break of my student career (unless I go back for the punchline that is a PhD in Studio Art. Yes, it exists. But don't worry, I won't.) Breaks are the best part of school. I suppose I will continue to reap this succulent waste of time if I pull a professorship somewhere, but as that is uncertain, I carpe diem all over this thing. I am visiting Professor Passion in his Fortress of Spinozatude. In a short time we will break this huddle to visit our respective families, eventually returning to formation in the midwest to see old friends. That means you!

This being the first real free time I have had in a while, I thought I should write a little something down in this bloog. What, you ask? No idea. On the drive here I passed under a bridge called Fangboner Road. I laughed at this for a solid 5 minutes alone in my car, and was able to cheer myself up at any point during the remaining drive by just thinking about it. What a great name for a road, pet, or child. I call dibs. You better not all have bebies and call them Fangboner, I don't want to start any trends. I also drove past Bong Recreation Area. I found this less entertaining, but wondered if this name had come about through some sort of committee of well-intentioned boobs. I am sure the Bong family were pillars etc, they would be very happy with their recreation area, but come on. The name begs for cops and uninspired highschool students.

Speaking of uninspired.

30 Rock - Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

2007-10-18T00:45:00.001-05:00

I saw this show this past Thursday. This made me laugh. I forgot about it until today, at which point I couldn't get it out of my head. p.s. I got a youtube account so I could post this. It really was good for a smile all day.

quarterly report

2007-09-11T14:01:00.000-05:00

so i can't believe how long it has been since i posted on this thing. i knew it had been a while, but noting that the baby who was born on the day of my last post is now finishing his phd is humbling. i suck at this. i say this everytime, but i really do. thanks to anyone who still checks this occasionally, hi. i was inspired to write again by professor passion's newfound passion for blog updates. his have cheered me immensely and i thought i should join that hot party.

i have had a lot going on since my last post. i know everyone does, but this was an especially chaotic summer. i won't bore my three readers with all the fine details. but as i have nothing nice to write about just now, i will present my summer in a paragraph.

basically: finished classes and sacrified a freakin yard full of goats in thanks that the year was over. spent a week in nyc for a summer class, looked at art for ALL of it, got all comfy with that fairly intimidating city, caught up a bit with a friend from olden days, got insanely sick from that dirty city. after that, i was able to spend the WHOLE summer with my boyfriend, prof. passion aka young buck invincible aka commander cool, which was the celebrated highlight of the summer. we traveled over all of creation. all of it! via car, train, airplane, and moving van. i am not even counting all of the hovercrafting and competitive hot air ballooning we did (those are lies.) we visited every member of his immediate family in all their various cities, almost every member of mine, packed up and moved several houses, went whalewatching and raquetballing and farmer's marketing and zoo walking and drunk getting and baseball gaming and kayaking and berry picking and family quality timing, watched movies and played video games for the first time in a year or so, walked up a pretty exciting waterfall and more frequently around a slightly less exciting pond, sat by the world's loveliest koi pond with the world's foremost expert on catfishology, c-dogg, caught up with my best girl and her best husband and their best new baby (while accidently wearing a completely matching outfit as the baby, might i add), received our friend dr. top secret in lush new mysterious accommodations up north, as well as a set of parents. am i forgetting any shout-outs? it was hard to be on the road all the time, i like to be able to just sit and gaze at commander cool for uninterrupted days. it was hard for other reasons too, but i was happy to see everyone and thanks for being such friends.

i am back at school now, and i must admit i find it horribly depressing. i have some hopes that this will be a good last year and that things will be okay. i just want to get through it. i am ready to get on with my life and this just isn't the place to do it. so, i will try to post again soon when i am a bit cheerier of outlook. i will try my best to post. i hope my failures as a blogger are endearing and not endlessly appalling. i know it's pretty annoying, but just think of them as quarterly reports and they won't seem so infrequent. peace out.

BABY!

2007-05-04T14:00:00.000-05:00

My best friend and her husband had their first baby this morning! He is healthy and she is too, everyone is happy and I am so excited and proud. They are down south and I am up north, so it will be a while before I can see the little guy, but I feel like giving everyone oldtimey cigars and hugs. HUGS! Good job, baby.

Yesterday was my last day of classes and I am still a bit dazed. I made it through my second year of graduate school, only one more to go. I am at work right now, maybe my last day? Not much left to do, the design jobs all are finished, just been cleaning up my computer files, destroying evidence, etc. I am not sure if I am supposed to come in next week or not... it seems like the sort of thing where I am technically supposed to be here for one more week, but my boss is nice so he may tell me to just go do my thing. I am so ready to do my thing. I just want to be outside right now, sitting on rooftops or porches, eating grilled things and walking a lot with no destination. I went to the gym yesterday and smelled the chlorine from the pool and got all psyched for some swimming action, my bike tires are reinflated, basically my brain is sitting on the dock at a lake having a nice cold beer even though I may be sitting in this office typing to you.

oh my god girls watch out for that shark

2007-04-23T11:55:00.000-05:00

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Only two more weeks of school, my friends. There are many things to hate about school, but summer vacation is not one of them. This is what academia is all about, summer break. If anyone tells you otherwise they are lying. The weather has finally become spring-like and lovely here, my spirits soar like a young eagle. My mental well-being is so closely tied to the weather that it concerns me, but only briefly as I am on a sunshine high. A mere week ago there was a blizzard here, a nor'easter, and I harvested all of the flowers in my yard so they would die in a vase in my house rather than out in the snow. I was not cheered. Being without sunlight for so long makes me giddy to have it. I can't imagine living in Barrow, Alaska. School has been a marvelous joke, a wonderful joke. I sit in critiques and laugh in my head at the joke, trying to keep my brow from furrowing with anger and frustration as it should. Can I get into specifics? No. I am a paranoid ninja. My birthday. I promised tales of my birthday. I lied when I said I enjoyed it as much as a baby panda enjoys his first. Do you see how happy he is with that cake? I have never been that happy with cake. My birthday was far less descript. I received calls and cards and gifts from my loved ones, all so sweet. I love getting mail, I am always excited to check it even though it is usually just coupons or bills. So getting packages and colorful envelopes was lovely. The cards are all sitting next to my vase of flowers that I saved from the snow. I spent my birthday in the studio, getting lots of good work done. Some friends had me over for pizza and apple pie and a nerdy board game that night. It was a very wholesome nice time. School was too overwhelming to have a party as I did last year, however I might have a small gathering this week to celebrate the belated birthday and the majority of my critiques and second year reviews being over as of this Wednesday. Get thee behind me, Reviews. This should be a stressful week, and in many ways it is. In other ways I am just laughing at that joke in my head and this all seems just fine. Summer break arrives in two weeks regardless of how this week goes. So this birthday was unnoteworthy but somewhat arbitrarily it seemed like a significant one the more I thought about it, simply because there were big changes in my life 10 years ago. Namely, leaving my parents' house and going off to college, and all of the things that came along with that. Then there is that thing where it feels like a lifetime ago... so much about who I am was determined in those years, but at the same time it is odd to conceive of that chunk of time passing. Here I come, next chunk! You better be good!
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enjoying my birthday like a baby panda enjoys his first.

2007-04-08T10:01:00.000-05:00

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yesterday was my birthday and i was busy eating cake all day. ALL DAY. i will write more on this and the adventures and mishaps of spring break 2007 promptly. today is my studio day and it beckons me. but so do you, dear reader.

These dogs have the right idea.

2007-03-08T12:52:00.000-05:00

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I am so ready for some warm weather. I know New Orleans is no Hawaii, but I plan to wear the hell out of my grass skirts and leis. No more snow for this dogg.

P.S. I am trying to capitalize in a more traditional way. Do you like me more now?

strange days

2007-02-28T16:15:00.000-05:00

it's been a weird few weeks. i have been overwhelmed with the usual parade of events and also some uncommon ones. i was planning a trip to go to new york city, there was an arts conference and it seemed like a good excuse to go. i had a ride and a place to stay, so i thought i would see if there was any art or alcohol hidden away in the city as had been foretold. then i received some sad news, the friend i was planning to stay with had someone very close to him die. i somewhat knew the person who had passed away, just through friends and many years ago, but i had always liked this person very much. my friend would be out of town for the funeral. i could have found another place to stay, but i was quite saddened by the news and decided to stay home. nature confirmed this by snowing me in for a few days with many feet of snow. i spent my days trying to shovel my car out while the plows spent their days blocking my car in. it was a fun game, i guess you'd have to be there. i was stuck in my house as walking was pretty ridiculous as well, snow up to the hips and shoulders and whatnot, dangerous roads and unshoveled sidewalks, all good. i had many critiques in a row to prepare for that week, so it was really superb timing. the first day i was able to get my car out, i managed to lock my keys in my car while out running an errand. i found a guy with one of those bars to break into cars, but he couldn't get in (a good thing i guess for my car's security?) i walked home thinking i could break into my house for a spare key. of course i had left my gloves, scarf, and hat in the car along with my laptop. my hands were so cold trying to pry my house windows open, i couldn't feel them. i started sort of freaking out in my head and weighing my options. i was able to get my hands warmed again with some survival guide fanfare. i decided to ask a stranger shoveling nearby for a screwdriver when i ran into someone i knew who helped me break in. i cannot remember the last time i felt that sort of relief to just be inside. being locked out in the frigid cold was causing some definite monkey terror in my head. i walked back to my car in the dark with my spare set of keys, only to find that my battery was now dead. $50 jumpstart later, my fifteen minute errand ran me around four hours and more realistically cost me the day, as i spent the remainder of my night warming up on my couch, appreciating heat and electricity and food. as far as the critiques i was preparing for, they were polar opposites and left me feeling extremely excited and extremely angry, respectively. we held a dance at the gallery this weekend, more specifically, a prom. the main points being that proms at this age are fun and we also needed to have a fundraiser. it was a lot of work getting ready for it, but it went really well and will help us make rent, and aside from that it was fabulous. i was able to borrow a mirrored disco ball for the event, and punch bowls for spiked punch, there were lots of streamers, balloons, etc. i love an excuse to get dressed up and pull out the old elbow-length gloves. i also love an excuse to dance. it was nice to let off some steam from the last few weeks. i am planning a trip to N.O. for spring break to see the young buck invincible and i am so ready. i'll leave this week and it is hard to get my work done here, i can't keep my mind on the tasks at hand. then he is coming right up to see me in this winter paradise! we really had our act together this year in the spring break trip planning department. oh, i also have been working out pretty regularly lately and wanted to comment on women in the locker room that put on as much of their clothes as they possibly can before putting on underwear. what is that? have you noticed this? this one woman practically had her snowboots and parka on but was still bare-assed. what? i talked to the professor and he says it is not limited to the ladies locker room. perplexing.

happy valentine's day, kali ma.

2007-02-14T18:32:00.000-05:00

more good news!

2007-02-13T18:48:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure if you all have heard, but there was a tornado that touched down in new orleans this morning. professor passion's neighborhood was trashed, but he is okay and his house is okay. i was only able to talk to him for a second because he has no electricity and his cell was dying, but i didn't want anyone to worry. i am sure he will share his tales and adventures once things are back to normal. "normal" i guess, since we're talking about the big easy, baby, and they do things a bit differently down there. what the hell. thank goodness he is a young buck invincible.

i express my feelings best with this photoshop fan art:

bitter cold

2007-01-26T16:44:00.000-05:00

they keep using the term bitter cold on the weather and it is true. i am in my home with the heat cranked up wearing a hat and two scarves. TWO! and a sweatercoat. SWEATERCOAT! it is truly bitter. when it snows here it is usually like being in a giagantic snow globe. the lake effect snow (as lovely associate of the year #1 pointed out) is a day to day occurance in these parts. it make this small ugly town look like a giant ugly snowglobe. it is good in many ways... the snow covers up much of the ugliness of the abandoned industrial nature of this place. it also very nicely bounces around the small amount of light that makes it through the cloud cover and makes it seem like there is more sunlight to be had for all. when it doesn't snow, i can tell no difference between my blinds being open or being closed, and this makes me sad. it makes my plants very sad. they like the snow as well.

something happened to me on return to this fair city. i forgot everything. i have lived here for a year and a half. being gone for 5 weeks over break caused me to forget all of the street names of this place. when the taxi driver who doesn't believe in louisiana asked me the best way to get home i was struck dumb. i could visualize it, but i couldn't for the life of me name any major street to get to my home. if i had stayed 6 weeks would i have even known where to fly back to? i imagine myself in new orleans right now trying to figure out what i am forgetting to do.

i had a few dreams recently that i was able to run really well, almost like flying. really fast and comfortable, the exact opposite of how that goes for me in real life. don't get me started (my body was not made to run.) but these dreams were so pleasurable, that i actually forgot they were dreams and sort of understood that i could run (like when you have a dream fight with someone and you are angry at them once awake without remembering why.) so i realized recently that i couldn't really run, i remembered my dreams. but i still REALLY wanted to go. so i went to the gym last week in the first time in months and months and i ran on one of those machines and it was awesome. it was actually pleasurable! i have been craving going back. i will go tonight or tomorrow. i am still not a runner but i sort of understand why so many people like it so much. thanks, dreams! now i will try having my teeth fall out and showing up for a final exam of a class i never attended for some reason, maybe mostly naked.

here i am, kids.

2007-01-18T12:28:00.000-05:00

hi friends. i was really burnt out the last few weeks of school last semester... november december sort of time. school was finishing up and i was juggling my time management skills and performing feats. i made it through with minimal damage and collapsed into my winter break. i left immediately and spent all of my break back home and down in the big easy, baby. i can't tell you how nice my month off was. it is still hard for me to accept being back in my dreary town, back at school, huh? thinking about coming back here actually made me sick to my stomach, nervous like how i used to feel when i was a kid before going back to school after a holiday, or even a weekend, pretty much every night and morning before school when i was younger. i hadn't experienced that sense of dread in relation to school in so many, many years that it freaked me out even more. i am at the halfway point of a three year program. i am ready to be done, but i am also leary of how little time i actually have before i must submit my thesis and get dumped out into the real world again. i hated the real world. will my mfa put me in a better place than where i was before i came here? last semester was just a real drain. this one is looking better already. i looked at my class requirements for the first time since i got here and basically figured more or less what i have to take for my remaining 3 semesters. the end is in sight. my class today looks like it will be really great for me. right now it is just myself, one other person, and the professor. i enjoyed the first class so much, it is basically a theory class focusing on contemporary theory in relation to some art historical movements, combined with studio work. since the class is so small we are going to meet at a coffee shop to start next week's class off. i think it will be a challenging and exciting class, but also relaxed and catered to what we are interested in talking about. at my undergraduate school there was little to no art theory classes, especially in contemporary theory, and it is no better here. the sculpture professor teaching this class is new here this year and he has some really interesting ideas and is so excited about the work he is making and the research he does. it is so refreshing and hard for that excitement to not be contagious. on the painting side of things, i am also very excited with the professor this semester. she is the only female faculty in my department and i have not worked with her before, but her excellent reputation around here made me very excited to work with her. we have met once as a group and once individually and she seems like someone i will get a lot from working with. my third class hasn't met yet, but it a required class that is notoriously laid back and should allow me more time to get in the studio.

it was great to see my family and best friend kim so much while home. i am sorry i didn't get to see much of anyone else. i can't explain my lack of motivation to more effectively seek friends out. i was a major homebody, i am only home once or twice a year and i just needed to decompress. but i loved seeing everyone that i did. you jerks are alright.

new orleans was amazing, great to be able to spend some siginificant time down there with my man. i am usually not able to visit for more than a week or so. we had much of the good times and the weather was fabulous compared to up north. the day i left it was such an incredible day i could easily have worn shorts and a tshirt. of course, coming back to school... the plane dropped below the thick and more or less permanent set of clouds covering this city and i remembered how incredibly dark and cold this place is. the cab driver that drove me home asked of new orleans. he wanted to know if bourbon street was a real place. i told him that it was real, a part of a place called the french quarter. he seemed uncertain so i mentioned jazz fest and mardi gras. "oh, mardi gras," he says, "i think i have heard of that." he was very sweet and very sincere. ah yes, the myth of bourbon street.

well, i just wanted to write a bit since i am back home, recovering from last semester and break with some time before the next round sets in. i hope everyone had good holidays, exciting times, nice long breaks when possible. keep up the good work. happiness for days. deep tissue massages for your emotions. hang in there kitty. casual roundhouses and figure fours for you all. love, me.

baby + turkey = turkeybaby

2006-11-23T00:42:00.000-05:00

REMORSEFUL

2006-11-02T14:51:00.000-05:00

i looked up remorseful on google images. i am remorseful that i have yet again gone a month without blogging. i found these pictures that express my feelings.

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i hope we can work through this.

since i last blogged i visited new orleans and duck island. i saw the professor's new pad and it is the best. i did not hurt my feet walking all over the land, as he is now much closer to the places we like to go. and he has ceilings that are taller than any i have ever seen.

i participated in a clothing swap party. ladies, this is a fabulous invention. you basically take clothes that you don't want anymore and exchange them for ones you do. i already had a huge trash bag full of clothes to take to the goodwill, so i took it to this party instead. i ended up coming home with the garbage bag still full, but this time with clothes i wanted. i got some great stuff and it was nice to see some of my handmedowns get a good home. also, i had a chance to drink wine in the afternoon with some artsy gals and listen to good music. it also is a great get-to-know-you game to get semiundressed with ladies you have just met. here is a site that has more info if you are interested in having one. http://www.getcrafty.com/home_nakedlady.php

i was in an exhibition with a group of printmakers that i am currently in a class with. i did quite a bit of printmaking in undergrad, and i played with the idea of pursuing it to some extent in graduate school, but this will be my last class. i really don't care for it. to make an unfair but accurate generalization, i feel that people that are drawn to printmaking care too much about really unimportant things. i don't care about the type of paper or how it will be hung, printmakers in general are obsessed with paper and presentation, or a so-slight color change that god himself could not notice but they insist it will create or destroy the piece. i don't care. i really really don't care. i had an INFORMAL critique in class and the prof wanted to talk about the fact that the work was hung with binder clips. it's a fucking trashed corkboard, we are all sitting around it on broken chairs and tables, and binder clips should be discussed over the artwork? no, i am done. in that same critique, my work was criticized for being too well done... i was told the colors were too beautiful, it was too well composed, and the pieces each worked on their own or together. therefore, i was using a "bag of tricks" to make "starbucks art." fucking hell. fucking fucking fuck. i sort of hate school right now so i might wait to write on this matter until i feel better.

we had a concert at the gallery last week, some bands from portland and a few local acts. awesome show, great turnout. it was supposed to be a halloween concert, with costumes, and a dance party afterwards. i was the only one who dressed up. what is wrong with people? there were three guys that came in costume towards the end of the night, but for the majority of the evening i was on my own. i came up with my costume a half hour before the show so i was a cowgirl. western shirt, wranglers, bandana, cowboy boots, pin from the 1981 rodeo, pigtails, and a black eye. not terribly creative, but it was something and i try to always have a black eye for halloween. the people from one of the bands were mostly wearing western shirts, and since no one was in costume i just looked like a groupie in an abusive relationship. happy halloween, everybody.

hi waste

2006-09-26T00:28:00.000-05:00

okay, this happened to me a little while ago, but something about it struck me as so odd that it has lingered.

i was complimented on the high waist of my jeans.

now i am not one of those pretty girls that tries to dress ugly or make her own clothes. i wear things, the same things, forever until they can't be worn. this means sometimes they may be hip to you kids and sometimes they may not, but its the same freakin pair of pants. i had some rock n roller dude compliment the high waist of my pants and i was so confused i just walked away.

i don't consider my pants to have a high waist at all. so this leads me to believe that fashion has now made acceptable the exposure of ass crack (i heard the term "coin slot" used to describe this phenomenon) and pubic hair, so my waist is high by comparison. i didn't like this dude thinking i was making a statement. i'm just wearing these nice pants that cover my butt and pubic region in their entirety, thank you very much. now go check your hair in the bathroom, ladyboy.

oh hell.

2006-09-26T00:21:00.000-05:00

okay.

i don't think i can be held responsible for my actions if something this cute is allowed to exist. this is so cute it actually brings me to anger.

hella baby manx.

adorable freaks

2006-09-24T00:23:00.000-05:00

oddly enough, in two days i have seen three freak cats. yesterday, the cat i saw had a stump for a tail and when it was trying to balance or when it was irritated it wagged it like a dog. today, i saw ANOTHER seperate and unrelated cat with a stump for a tail. it let me grab its stump tail and did not seem to mind. at this same house i saw a cat with 4 or so extra digits on each paw, so its paddle-esque paws appeared to have thumbs. i liked thinking about all of the mischief this cat might get into with those opposable thumbs not the least of which would involve tampering with the prescriptions in master's bathroom cabinet and giving organ lessons. i learned that these cats are called polydactl cats and i was told that ernest hemmingway had an island of them. tonight when i got home i looked them up on wiki and it looks like the hemmingway bit wasn't a joke.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polydactyl_cat

the photos there are nothing. the cat i saw tonight had ping pong paddles for paws. this photo i found online better illustrates how weird these things look. i want a stump tailed cat. a fat one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2006-09-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

today is my man's birthday. this gag goes out to him:

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and this:

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other than that, i have been in a pretty pissed off mood constantly. my computer has not worked well. it is in the shop right now. i had a blog i was writing, but it is on the desktop of that computer. it mostly was about how frustrated i have been with apple, the quality of product and the customer service, but i think the fact that i can't publish that blog because it is on my broken, waiting for parts, not even two months old compubot speaks for that. i am trying not to type fuck so much. but fuck.

school is back in session. i can't get out of my summer mindset, i don't want to do much. where is my passion? i painted tonight and i am getting some work done. but i am tired and just want to go home and make myself a drink. i thought i would take a quick break to check my email in the student lab. (see, cause i can't do that at home anymore.) but i don't think i'll get too many more hours in today. i already but in 5 or 6, and i'll be in there all weekend. i found some amazing children's poems on the back of some fax sheets at work, i will scan them and post them once i have a laptop again. they cheer me up. i have been working a ton on the website of the gallery i am running. it looks good, if you are my friend and want the address you should write me for it sometime. i am proud of it.

man this blog is so worthless. and someone who fucking reeks just sat behind me. jeebus. let's end this on an upnote.

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i know i already posted this photo before, but this little guy always makes me so very, very happy. i wish i could take this snuggler home.

there is no time for klax

2006-07-31T11:45:00.000-05:00

yes. i have finally joined you all in the 1990's. i bought my first computer! i broke down and went for it. i have a caveman mentality when it comes to technology. i have your grandma's mentality. i am caveman grandma (another great idea for a blog alterego). but lately i have been on the up and up. i am one of you young folks now. next thing you know i will be wearing shortpants and dancing on sunday. chewing gum. sending electronic mail. staying up past 7:30 pm. i got a free ipod and printer with my adorable little macbook as well, which made it all the more lucrative. i am overly excited considering i work with a much nicer mac at work, but this one is MINE. i have to get internet, as i have been borrowing someone's neighborhood connection and it is annoyingly unreliable. i pound my caveman club, why this no work? once i break down and shell out the money for the real deal, and once the professor returns from whence he came, i will be an internet fool. i'll show you all.

speaking of expensive electronics, my sega and nintendo both konked out this week. the sega has been pretty far from functional for a long time, but the nintendo really hurt. no more lazy-man's monopoly (the nintendo did all of the work, all you had to do was hit the a button and reap the rewards. sigh. no more.) also, my microwave went to cook frozen dinners in the sky. with all of these events coinciding with the introduction of my new compubot and company, i have to wonder... did these old friends feel neglected? a sad thought. i am trying to see how long i can go without buying a new microwave, it seems like those things should be free by now. i didn't realize how much i used that old guy until he was gone. and it is actually cheaper for me to buy a used playstation than a used sega. how can this be? rest in peace, friends.

my man leaves soon to go back to new orleans, but before that we have to make a trip back to the midwest for his friends' wedding. the professor will change out of his everyday tuxedo and don a far less fancy wedding tuxedo. i will wear my dressy ninja mask, hurl bejeweled ninja stars, casually refrain from killing guests. we will both be able to see some family and friends while home, so who can complain? oh wait, freaking expensive plane tickets will be bandied about by my ass kicking. this has been an expensive month. you'd think i made more than i do the way i am tossing money about. hey everybody! look at all these one dollar bills, i've got so many i can't even hold them all! woooo! mayhaps i shall buy more things with all of these dollars. mayhaps.

trains, trains, and trainomobiles

2006-07-13T15:16:00.000-05:00

a rare photo of professor romance and the casual ninja, boarding the even more rare ninja train.

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hello friends. what adventures were had! unfortunately our train was cancelled due to flooding in the northeast. this was very upsetting as we received the phone call a mere 2 hours before our departure. it really was a sad scene. both of us sitting there with our bags all packed, our shoes tied tight. the house all ready with timers on the lights and such. i was wearing my traveling clothes, you know, pill box hat and matching miniature poodle for my lap. i get the call and the woman tells me the train is cancelled. i ask what our options are and she tells me to call the airlines. maybe that isn't funny to anyone else, but does it seems like a bad sign that a company is so indifferent to receiving your business that they send you to someone else as the first option? we decided to reschedule to the next available train, which wasn't for another 3 days. this may not sound like much, but once you're all packed up and in a traveling mindset, it is hard to turn it off. i mean, my tolietries were all crammed into their little zipup case and everything. i couldn't bring myself to unpack so i had to deal with that everytime i wanted to brush my teeth. we decided to bump our return trip by a few days as well or we would have only spent a day or so in st louis before returning. it ended up being a very nice few days, as i had already taken off work and we had to eat out a lot because the fridge was vacation-empty. by the time the three days were up, it was sort of hard to leave. vacationing in my house was more enjoyable than the idea of leaving. the train experience was rather odd, but overall enjoyable. almost every employee we interacted with seemed to need instruction on how things worked, which was especially awkward as neither of us had ever ridden the rails and these people were running them. the ticket lady told me i had only purchased tickets for one person. "then why are there two names listed on the screen?" we ask. i point out that the roomettes accommodate two, she pretends to do us a favor by pressing the print button and confiding that she had "corrected" our mistake. the roomettes are very snug. too small to really be able to take a picture that would show more than individual elements. when we entered ours, my traveling companion of passion pondered if the small and oddly shaped end table below the drop-down sink was a toilet. i laughed and said of course not. i was wrong. a toilet in a closet-sized room for two. delightful! the train was empty enough on that leg of the trip that we were given a sleeping room and a sitting room across the hall. we were kings among men! our lengthy layover in chicago meant we could walk around and look at things, eat a deep dish pizza pie and feel like we had a day's vacation.

weird metal jellybean-looking sculpture in chicago's millenium park
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interior shot of jellybean. can you find us?
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we also got to hang in the swanky "metropolitan lounge" at the station. swanky meaning we got free soda drinks and mini-muffins. from there we had coach seating (or "tuberculosis seating" as it turned out) and it was far less glamorous. there were no mini muffins to be had. aside from the hacking coughs of our cohorts in coach, we were not interacted with on this train. no one ever checked our tickets so theoretically we could have snuck into a roommette and stayed on until california, but we declined. at one point, after sitting on the track without moving for an hour, i heard a guy behind me calling the 1-800 number as he hoped to get information on what was going on. i have been spoiled by air travel where, for better or worse, they explain every moment of turbulence or delay and the presentations are somewhat staged and regulated. when someone finally came back to respond to my call button, he sort of yelled in the direction of our cab: yeah, i guess a freight train broke down across the track in front of us, um, yeah. we watch in the distance as the train is pushed out of the way and he tells us there is no way of knowing when it will be pushed out of the way. yeah!

in st louis we saw some of the professor's kin (our main purpose for travel), watched fireworks from a back porch on the fourth, saw learning center compatriot c-dogg and company for an evening out, went up in the arch (my first time), and went on a tour of the budweiser factory.

the best part of the tour
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on the way back home we had constant delays. we lost our layover in chicago as the train was 4 and a half hours late leaving st louis. the coach cab smelled like stomach-turning methane or sewer gas was periodically leaking into our cab from the vents. (insert joke here.) this forced our exploration of the train and we discovered the viewing lounge. little mini couches and swivel chairs facing giant walls of windows. it was lovely. the train is a great way to travel despite of or because of some of its quirks. you can't enjoy the scenery as well if you are driving the interstate or fumbling with a map. there is much more room and freedom than a plane and it is kind of like a sleepover adventure sleeping on the little foldout beds. and brushing your teeth in a sink that folds out of the wall (and must be carefully folded back to drain it's watery contents.) the top bunk has a seatbelt-like harness to keep you from rolling out of bed and breaking your neck. fun! the most exciting anecdote occured while eating dinner on our final leg of the journey, i spotted someone i thought looked very much like courtney love. i didn't say anything to the professor, until later when he pointed out someone who looked EXACTLY like jake "the snake" roberts. it was uncanny. and guess what folks, THEY WERE SITTING TOGETHER. were they traveling partners? lovers on the look-alike circuit? the real deal? the world may never know.

that's right. we're going on a...

2006-06-28T14:22:00.000-05:00

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that is right, fools. tonight the professor and i embark on a cross-country tour via train. this is a first for me. we even have a sleeper car! it is funny to be so excited to sleep in such a small room with a fold-down bed. but i am. i will take lots of pictures. you will wring your hands with jealousy. wring away friends!

cemetery

2006-06-13T15:36:00.000-05:00

this is the cemetery that we walked through. i neglected to take photos of the more impressive statuary. dan wrote about it at thepassionofdan.blogspot.com. i will publish photos of professor romance's new jeans as soon as they become available. if you are looking for photos of bellbottoms you will have to look elsewhere as he only owns good looking, non-bells. do you here me?

kicking summertime in the face

2006-06-13T14:40:00.000-05:00

Hi friends. It has been a busy summer for me. Key in my distractions: Professor Romance! That’s right, friends, he is visiting me for the whole summer. who can sit still in a computer lab when you have the Professor in your presence? Not I.

So let’s catch up!
My first year of grad school is over. I was accepted into a regional exhibition and have been applying to exhibitions here and there, but I have been taking a break from the studio. I am planning to get back to work soon, but it has been a nice to get away for a while. I recently became the co-director of an art and performance space. If you are interested in having an exhibition or concert, I am the lady to talk to. I have so many creative friends…

What else has been done with my summer? Lots of barbeques and outdoor expeditions. Kayaking, quarry exploring, national park hiking, ancient cemetery exploration, food festivals. Tonight we will bbq on a rooftop with some friends.

We took a road trip to visit our friends at teenage fashion show. Fabulous fun was had by all, but especially Bartelby:

Here he is attacking a suspicious-looking rag.

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Here he is using his photon eye beams.

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We have plans to visit other locales before the summer is up. If you would like Team Casual-Romance to visit you at your home or business, please submit a written proposal in comment form and we will consider stopping by to make sure your summer is a-rockin’.

can you feel it?

2006-04-30T13:57:00.000-05:00

i am so close to being done with my first year of grad school i can taste it. with my tongue. only 2 crits away from a summer of love.

i looked up "taste freedom" on google images and among the detritus i found this amazing creature that i want to get to know.

i shell-ebrated the hell out of it, dudes.

2006-04-18T16:35:00.000-05:00

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It looks like I am a once-a-month-post sort of girl. I think I will be better once school is over in a few weeks, with more time to develop my various electronic personas. If anyone would like to send me a computer, I could quit disappointing my readers. I wouldn’t even bother with the polite protesting. I would get right into the taking that mac off of your hands.

I am writing this in a word document so I can be sneaky about blogging at work. Not that they would probably even care. It is capitalizing and spell-checking everything for me. This computer doesn’t know that blogging is a word.

I had my sculpture critique that I alluded to last post and it went shockingly well. Everyone really liked my work, including the professors. I was happy with how the pieces turned out and have been very excited to be working in other mediums. It has freed up some of my typical ways of working, and I think it has helped my painting processes considerably. Working with materials I don’t usually use caused me to think about expressing the content in my paintings without necessarily relying on my usual visual language. When I paint there is a level of comfort and sometimes that comfort is nice but it is good to challenge myself. This sculpture class has been really great for me, if only because of that reexamination.

This month has been crazy busy with school and work. I saw the Walkmen play. Good show. There have been tons of exhibitions and openings, a couple a week, so I have been busy going to those. The MFA thesis show went up as well. I had a group show at a gallery downtown. It was all of the grad painters, so 10 very different people in one space. It turned out surprisingly well considering my opinion of some of the work. I have a solo show that I have to hang this Sunday that is my “honorable mention” for being a finalist for that cash award I didn’t get. Yep. I thought about calling my show consolation prize but I thought that might come across as bitter. People with money don’t like giving it to bitter people. I didn’t expect to get the award since it is my first year and it usually goes to third years, but I like getting free money.

I went to New Orleans for a week. It was wonderful. I left here and it was snowing and I arrived there and wore shorts. What a world. I had mint juleps on the outside patio at pat o’s and a fabulous dinner at my new favorite restaurant with The Professor on my birthday. The service at the restaurant was the best ever. Besides the food being incredible, they gave us lagniappe compliments of the chef, brought us fresh butter with every round of hot bread, poured our wine whenever it neared the bottom of a glass, the waiter even kissed my hand at the end of the night! I wish I had thought to tell him it was my birthday because I seriously think we could have gotten some sort of free flaming dessert in the deal. That birthday gets many thumbs up.

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unfortunately, not about robocop.

2006-03-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

i don't really think it is worth trying to follow my last post. pure gold. i haven't posted anything beyond photos in a while, so i thought i should. spring break was last week. i stayed in town and tried to get work done. i really should have been in new orleans with the professor. sidenote: waiting to buy airplane tickets for a "last minute deal" is a scam. a complete and total scam. i dropped the ball and spent my break in snow. i was happy to have a visit from teenagefashionbartelby, in town for a conference and a rocking good time with the ninja. everyone should come here. i take it back about snow. it is so nice here, you all should come. it is so much nicer than wherever you are. floods, hurricanes, cleansing by fire... i stand for none of it. it is 72 degrees here every loving day. we could have lake and waterfall fun in the summer. for reals, it is cool. this place is really good for wholesome outdoor fun. and if you throw some beers in there, who can argue? bartelby and i discussed how we should all meet up sometime in a cool place. remember how enjoyable las vegas was? just some food for thought.
the professor came here for his spring break last month and it was terrific. with our forces combined we are unstoppable. tremble before us earthlings. who needs mardi gras? i'm telling you, this is the place to be.
i have been really busy with school. i have my first sculpture critique in a week. what? you say. you are not a sculptor! and i say, i know, bitch, that's why i am freaking out. things are coming together, but damn.
mmm. i got an "honorable mention" for an award. i would rather have the cash. i have been in a few local exhibitions, but i need to get my ass in gear and apply to some real shows. i also am going to try and get a website together this summer for my art and all the mad public relations i have planned. i need to find someone to design it and instruct me in the ways of the internet. i am not knowledgable. any recommendations, please give me a holler.
my birthday is in 2 and a half weeks and i will be down in new orleans for it. hurray! i will be in a tshirt on my birthday dammit or someone will pay. i can't wait to casually assess my presents, deeming their worth, much as i assess the world.

robocop? that's professocop to you.

2006-03-20T15:46:00.000-05:00

fucking robocop taught at my fucking school.

let me repeat.

fucking ROBOCOP taught at my fucking school. i am not fucking kidding. although i was not here when it happened, this photo is how i imagine it went down.

the lobster-bear of your dreams isn't just a dream!

2006-03-10T14:07:00.000-05:00

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full story on lobster-bear at
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,18399944-401,00.html

this should answer some questions

2006-02-22T15:57:00.000-05:00

an honest to god photo of christophe "hagen" granet

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schlorg

2006-02-12T13:22:00.000-05:00

man, i hell of suck at posting regularly. today is the first day in about two weeks that i haven't woken up with nasty mucus related issues and chronic coughs from the depths of my soul. it seems like sickness really is my ninja super power. i never really though of myself as someone so easily succeptable to illness. being in school might be part of it. fuck if i know. i worked out this morning, also for the first time in two weeks (refer to above sick-bitching). i feel mighty and empowered after working out. my mind is all like "hell yes. best recognize." and my body is all like "out of the way world, here comes the hamstring that will end you."

i went to a birthday gathering last night. there was red wine and whiskey sours and a game of balderdash that quickly turned lewd and then back again. i had never played that game before. you make up definitions/explanations/synopses/etc for weird words, names, movie titles, etc. in hopes of fooling your fellow game players into thinking it's the real deal. we did variations on the rules in different rounds which made it more entertaining if i were to say so. like we voted on most creative one round, not most realistic. i got the most votes when i defined BIGNONIA as reece witherspoon's forehead. HEY OH! also, several rounds followed hashing out the most entertaining porn personas. schlong was misread aloud as schlorg, much to the pleasure of many. henceforth, i insist upon this pronunciation. i insist upon umlauts. i came up with a filthy version of the name of the game at one point. let your mind wander. i was tied for first place at the point in the night where peeps wants to be calling it quits. we had THREE rounds of tiebreaking. i admit i sort of called it in on the last round of tiebreaking, sort of wanting it to be over. and it was. i came home, talked to the professor, and watched some spanish channel. i have maybe 4 channels, but for some reason i get 1 cable channel on top of that. it used to be mtv2 which i enjoyed for its wondershowzen, but recently it became the spanish channel. i had thought it pretty useless until last night, when at 2 in the morning i watched the sexias vs. the rolios in an indoor soccer tournament. the rolios were men in assorted gym shorts and tshirts. the sexias were ample breasted women in white bikinis. who knew?

work has been really really busy. they usually do about 3 productions a semester that i am responsible for designing for. my deadlines all sort of overlap at the start and end of shows, but it is extremely managable. for some reason this semester, right out of the gates of winter break there are 2 shows opening within a week of each other. so all of that masterful juggling of deadlines and correspondance and massive egos is times two. i have been putting in twice the hours since school started, and still i barely made my deadlines a few times. this upcoming week is hopefully the last of it for a while, then i will have a month or two with very little to do before the next production, so i can dedicate more time to classes and the studio. my boss and his boss have told me they are going to take me out for brunch to an upscale french restaurant to thank me for all of the extra work i have been doing. and they weren't joking! that is the nicest thing any job has ever done for me. i have to interact with some difficult personalities at times, but i also work with some of the nicest people. freaking fancy brunch for doing my job? quality. i am going to eat the hell out of some quiche.

stossel sans stache

2006-01-30T17:27:00.000-05:00

another mystery revealed.

my necklace broke

2006-01-29T20:42:00.000-05:00

i wore that thing for years. now my neck feels naked.

watch out lady, you are about to be rocked so hard by that battle.

2006-01-20T17:15:00.000-05:00

belated ass-kicking

2006-01-20T15:42:00.000-05:00

i haven't posted in ages. eons. species have come and gone in the time that has passed. i ate them.

any funny things that i thought to write about in the past 4 weeks are gone. this is probably not much of a loss. i realized while home that i missed reading the 5 or so blogs i read. even though i was able to hang out with most of you i sort of wanted the blogs. also? instead? who can say?

i realized that i don't like new year's eve. i always look forward to it and it seems like a nice idea, but this year i enjoyed the evenings leading up to that night much more. the evening of fog at the havelock bar and later the frigid house requiring dancing, drunken basement rock, and the poetic bruising of fist upon bongo. and the night of the papers show, afterwards when we had our own wing of the bar, well below fire code and appearing to have been constructed by a high school theatre troop as their idea of "bar." i'm not the first person to say it, but new year's eve has too many expectations of fun. everyone looks vaguely disappointed. there's some line in the sand, so even if it is a fun night it isn't fun enough. there were definitely some highlights this year, but i think it is too hard to overcome the stigma.

i got a digital camera for christmas, my first. so i will probably post some pictures. i have some good ones of a few of you. and by good i mean bad. and by bad i mean BAD! like radical.

i went to new orleans for a while to work with the foremost expert in passionology. the city looks surprisingly okay. I'm not saying it looks tops by any means. there is still a lot of shit in the medians, downed lines, tarped roofs, backed up drainage, uprooted trees, abandoned and boarded up homes and businesses etc. some of the stores smelled like poop. you can see the water line around most of the city. lots of places for rent and sale that normally never would be. i know that i didn't go to the parts that were hit hardest (i.e. gone) and there is still a lot of devastation, but it seems like the city can snap back. the quarter looked dirty, but dirty like it did before. reassuring dirty. just less crowded. it's a good place. i ate so much excellent food i can't even express my pleasure. thai, sushi, italian, middle eastern, my first poboy at mother's with debris, the turtle soup at muriel's was indeed subtly phenomenal, my hats off to dr. mystery's hats off or i would never have tried such a thing, crystal burgers which are so delicious in their decrepitude, homecookin', i could go on but it makes me wish i was there.

now i am back at school. this was my first week of class and it is hard to be here. i had a month off and it was very, very nice. i'll get back into the swing, but it is a weird transition to go from being with people all of the time to being alone again. and all of the flying and changes in weather and time zones sort of threw me off. it is nice to be able to sit in my apartment though. i like that.

nonchalant fight to the death, midwestern style

2005-12-22T15:05:00.000-05:00

home for the holidays, eh? if you are looking for trouble you know where to find me. or, ninja that i am, perhaps i will find you?

perhaps i already have.

perhaps not, my friend. perhaps not.

perhaps.

but then what if i am looking at you right now? quickly! minimize that unfortunate website. i understand, you accidentally clicked on an ad. come on, please minimize while i am threatening you with my friendship.

seek me in your darkest fears! look about you in desperation as i casually assess you! are you fit to live? fit to drink and fight? perhaps you will survive.

this time.

perhaps not!

its hard being so suavely uncertain.

or is it?

dammit.

for all of the maneagles, eaglemen, wolfhorses, & beerbots out there

2005-12-13T15:10:00.000-05:00

once my final paper is written and turned in this week, i will have more time to post for all of my many friends. for now please enjoy this gift.

the spirit-quenching MANEAGLE
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the muy introspective EAGLEMAN
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the awe-inspiring WOLFHORSE
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and who can forget the lovable BEERBOT

not just cartoons. woods also does paintings.

2005-12-12T23:15:00.000-05:00

"Britney spears is a a pop diva with a heart of gold. Woods has explored the goddess and the maiden in her paintings of Britney. As the beautiful Hindu deity Lakshmi the goddess of prosperity, purity, generosity, and charm she shines. As a symbol of maidenhood, purity and the feminine she has a cat and the new moon to indicate her youth and power."

home schooling

2005-12-12T22:55:00.000-05:00

i found these cartoons on a site for people that homeschool their children. they are by allison woods. she is reminiscent of the genius of hagen. great forces at work here, people.

i barely understand what's going on here. thanks for nothing, public schools. give me my lessons with a sweet dose of barely intelligible comedy any day.

romantic tv teaches me 2 lessons

2005-11-29T15:19:00.000-05:00

1. there is a local news anchor named rod wood. (in the same vein, i watched part of moonstruck on sunday and the original music was provided by dick hyman.) i am 12 years old.

2. a man was on a talk show because he kept getting his wife pregnant to trap her in the marriage. one of the ways he did this was having sex with her while she slept.

STEVE

Steve reveals how it happened. "She can be a pretty heavy sleeper at times. I thought it would be fun to see if I could do it without waking her up," he explains. "My motive wasn't to get her pregnant. I was just loving her and being her husband. I don't want Mary to feel like she's been violated."

idiot savant

2005-11-24T12:28:00.000-05:00

you know when you leave a comment on someone's blog and it has the confirmation letters that are supposed to trick a spam robot, but not a human? i often feel as though i am being tested for some sort of retardation. i often fail. maybe i am a robot. or a retarded robot.

happy thanksgiving!

another story from my flight (death fantasy!)

2005-11-22T12:37:00.000-05:00

there was also some really obnoxious woman on the final leg of my flight. she was one of those spoiled ugly old women that are trying to dress like they are much younger. she was talking so loud that even with earplugs i couldn't ignore her conversation. i learned that she paid $1300-1500 for each of her 3 dogs, but she just considers them pets (although they are all award winning! she is quick to point out.) i learned that she has a 20 year old daughter who shared a bed with her until she was 11 years old. i learned about her failed marriage (i wonder why?). i learned an hour worth of loud things about this beast. she is talking to the perfect stranger sitting next to her on the plane, by the way. when we have to turn the plane around after an hour of sitting on the runway so that a mechanic can look over the "irregularities" in the cabin door, she starts screeching about how she wants off the plane. she tells the stewardess to let her off, goes back to her seat and calls someone at i assume her destination to tell them she isn't coming because she "doesn't want to die." she repeats this phrase louder and louder, over and over. like the rest of us are the assholes that can't wait for the sweet embrace of death at 20,000 feet. like i am the dumb fuck that wants to be sucked out of the cabin door. by sitting there and calmly waiting to find out if there is even a problem or not, the entire passenger list of the plane are irrational death-loving fucks. like airplane malfunctions don't happen every second and every single plane you fly hasn't been reworked in every capacity. some guy told her to shut up. he told her that she can do what she needs to do, but she shouldn't alarm everyone else with her comments. she got all offended and told him he shouldn't be listening to her private conversations. simultaneously that guy and another guy say "how can we not?" she shuts up and i love that guy. needless to say she didn't fly the flight and it was one of the few things that went right that day.

ill begotten cheese starring in "kreamery karma"

2005-11-22T02:45:00.000-05:00

last week i realized i am completely immoral. also cheap. the agents of my downfall?
a block of cheese and a bottle of lotion. after leaving the grocery store i noticed that i had accidentally left the store without paying for a block of extra sharp cheddar cheese that would have cost $2.19. i remembered the price because it was the cheapest i could find. so i'm standing in the rain in the dark parking lot after spending an hour in the store and i rationalize that i am sick and tired and it's only $2.19. on the way home i try to think of ways i can make up for it the next time i shop, like buy something i don't need or not use a coupon i normally would and lame things like that. then i forget about it. once home, with groceries unloaded i start looking at my receipt. i notice that they charged me regular price ($7 something) for a bottle of lotion when it should have been on sale for $4 something. i actually start wondering if it's worth going back sometime to get reimbursed for the $3. wondering when i could go and if it was worth it and stuff like that. but seriously considering it. as $3 is money and money can be exchanged for goods and services and i like goods and services. then i cringe as i suddenly recall only 20 minutes earlier when i couldn't be inconvenienced to walk from the parking lot back into the store to pay for two dollars and nineteen cents worth of cheese. so i am a thief and a total cheapskate. but it is good to know where i stand. i am able to rationalize dishonesty and accidental but outright thievery, passiveness and moral flexibility when it serves my interests and selective pursuits of "justice" when it doesn't. i've always been the sort of person that looks at receipts to see if there are errors, but now i know that i do that to make sure i am not getting screwed, not to ensure overall fairness but only fairness for myself. it seems i don't mind if i am screwing the other guy. i can think about the corporation vs. the "poor" college student and such, but i still think it is revelatory and really shitty. i've always thought of myself as honest, but that appears to be quite gradient and flexible honesty doesn't really seem to be worth much. i am not paying for the cheese or getting reimbursed for the lotion. i will eat the delicious, dishonest cheese and moisturize my skin with the overpriced, smug lotion. i know this is a lame story and unimportant in a lot of ways but i've been thinking about it a lot.

flying is the shit or flying is shit or flying shit or shit.

2005-11-18T23:43:00.000-05:00

long day of airline hilarity. numerous delays, missed flights, rebookings, mechanical malfunctions, plane reassignments. up at 4:15 am so i could putz about airline terminals and plane interiors for fruitless hours on end. i did get a free minibottle of vodka to silence my silent rage (jos: well actually, something silent would not need further silencing.) it beats covered wagons, right bitch? i am home and that is nice. now for sleep.

ninja secret power: illness

2005-11-11T12:33:00.000-05:00

i have been sick all week and it seems to be getting worse rather than improving. i have been drinking tea like it's going out of style and watching so much very shitty tv. it started snowing yesterday for a while. icy wind and snow help my cold. i will be going home for thanksgiving in a week. anyone else hitting that shit? i will be in town for a whole week so if any of you jerks are around you should call me up. jerk.

give my regards to the elaborate frisking

2005-11-01T17:51:00.000-05:00

i saw wolf parade play last week. it was a great show. several points of interest: before being allowed admittance, i was required to pass through three checkpoints showing my student ID and ticket stub at each. i also was forced to show the contents of my purse. i lied and told the woman that my pepper spray was mousse. who wears mousse anymore? do they even make it? she bought it. i got a bit of lame satisfaction from sticking it to her. this was right after i had been throughly frisked. it seemed like a fair trade. they don't even do that to everyone at the airport and this was an oncampus event. i should have offered to do her hair with my pepper spray while she was rubbing me.

one of the opening bands had a horrendous name: think about life. however, they made up for it in stage presence. BIG fat man singing, jiggling in a "steroid free body" sweatshirt, seriously convulsing and shaking it on and off the stage, bellyflopping, etc. skeletal drummer wearing only a pair of boy's shorts or possibly boxers with pockets, black socks and shoes, somewhat less skeletal drummer in a neon yellow cap and a shirt that involved something about "a gash". they all broke it down at the end of the show with a rap about school, which was my favorite part. i think i might have written a similar rap about school when i was in the fifth grade.

todd solondz gave a talk at school today, which i attended. unfortunately, i didn't see him speak except for a few minutes intro. they showed his film palindromes first... which would have been great otherwise, but it meant i had to leave before he even spoke. i have places to go, people to see, people. i go to a talk at 2, i figure the talk will take place at 2. instead i had to leave to go to work right after the film ended. it was really disturbing because i guess the talk/screening was taking place during an undergraduate seminar class. they kept laughing at wholly inappropriate times and saying things to the screen, inducing more laughter. most of the laughter was because one of the characters was fat, or maybe because two characters were having sex. it's not really the sort of movie where anyone should be highfiving. i felt like i was on a schoolbus.

tonight i am attending another visiting artist lecture with painter dotty attie. i have an individual critique with her tomorrow. i really should go paint before her talk. so that is what i will do.

i hope i don't have tea with any international dignitaries anytime soon

2005-10-25T16:10:00.000-05:00

one more thing. i have become so accustomed to the word "teabag" in it's hilarious ball-placing context, that i cannot hear it in it's normal usage without crapping up. last night dan told me that despite his lack of cooking gas, he could make tea using his espresso machine. it ended something like this: "a hot cup of water and you just put a teabag in it." i could not stop laughing.

the symbiotic relationship of man and robot-wand

2005-10-25T14:20:00.000-05:00

i haven't written since i got all of my hairs cut 3 weeks ago, but let me tell you right now. so much has happened since then! WHERE SHALL I START?

...

the haircut is still looking foxy. i've been told it is the best haircut i've ever had. yeah.

woo.

growing out nicely.

yes.

i don't think posed awkwardness comes across as well in writing. over the computer you have no idea that i just started crying and wet myself in shame. robots will never replace humans for just that reason. shame piss.

speaking of robots.

dan was here for a week and we had wonderful adventures. we saw a man who spoke with the assistance of a robot. or perhaps it was a robotic wand that spoke through a mere human shell. maybe the body was meant to put us at ease as the robot stick scanned our neural activity. i know my neural activity was focused on buying a frozen pizza at the time, but i can't speak for dan. he was probably thinking about the a priori knowledge of the frozen pizza.

we had the worst beer that has ever passed either of our lips. we were in agreement. THE WORST. and we have both imbibed camo. it was at a supposed micro brewery downtown. i didn't want to go as i had heard things, but dan can be persuasive. we taste tested two beers, one of which tasted exactly like nasty cherry cough syrup. we didn't finish the samples. FREE beer and we didn't drink it. so dan orders a pint of hefeweizen, on the assumption that they couldn't possibly fuck up three different beers.

oh, how they did!

dan penned it best when he said it tasted like bile you might vomit after drinking a beer. that was so dead on i could not help him drink it any longer. WORST BREWERY EVER. i think i could pee in a bucket, throw in some hops, leave it under my bed for a few months and come up with a better microbrew than that foul swill.

those are the two antedotes i will share. it was a great week.

and i must admit i am happy to know he has a home to go home to. i really thought it would all be swept away, stolen, or thick with mold and attaining conciousness. it is great to know he owns things. it definitely makes me reconsider my own attachment to physical things, specifically my belongings. it makes me want to get rid of a bunch of clothes and crap and not have so much. i will donate garbage bags full of my clothes to charity.

speaking of charity.

i got an email from my alma mater. they are hosting A Cabaret for Hurricane Relief entitled "Songs from the Heart - Songs of Hope". a cabaret for relief? fuck that noise. mastubatory and absurd.

i went to NYC for the first time. it was just for a day, but it was still really great. i saw a few art shows. i am planning to go again in 2 or 3 weeks. it is a bit surreal to see the skyline. it is such an icon and it felt really odd to see it from afar and recognize it so immediately. it is weird to feel an ownership or relationship with a place that i had never truly seen before. it was also eye opening to see some of the "top" galleries in person. a few nice spaces, but so many of them are in office/apartment buildings. it has the feel of going to a dentist appointment or something and then it's like, oh no, wait you're at one of the biggest galleries in the world. weird, as they are physically so small. in my mind i had an idea of new york and these galleries as some huge, unattainable place, but it is so much hype. it was really good to see this firsthand. overall, the work was highly underwhelming. i saw a few nice pieces, but i can't say i was blown away. i did go to the frick, which was amazing. all of these masterworks side by side. rembrandt and vermeer and ingres and cezanne and it just keeps going. it's a gorgeous space and it feels like walking in an art history book. THAT can be overwhelming.

so, today i have nothing to do but paint. i took a break to blog as there are all of your blogs that i want to comment on, but i needed to update my own first. it is a rainy day (thanks weather machine) and it feels good to be inside and working. i have been making a lot of progress on my current painting and it is exciting. i still can't believe i am here. anytime i start to feel depressed or overwhelmed i just tell myself to look at my life and how i spend my days and i am reminded it is a really good life.

i got my hair cut.

2005-10-04T20:39:00.000-05:00

i feel like a new ninja.
i am here to sai blade you into submission with my new hair.

i just watched a slide presentation by visiting artist anne harris. she primarily does self portraits and her work is somewhat hyperreal/surreal, disturbing, but most often very subtly done. she focuses quite a bit on flesh and veins, and although she primarily paints herself she is not necessarily concerned with creating an accurate likeness. i see similarities in our interests but with very different approaches. i am still mulling her work over. i can't find any early examples of her work online, or any of the works that really struck me in the lecture or i would link to them. i think they are definitely stronger as a body of work than individually. i am meeting with her tomorrow to talk about my work. an individual crit. i am nervous.

now i must go read art theory late into the night so i can sound like i have enviable skills in my early morning theory class, but it is all a lie.

similar interests

2005-09-20T17:05:00.000-05:00

I happened upon this blog. It combines the passion of the passion of dan and the mystery of dr. mystery. it is how i envison the offspring of your blogs if your blogs did it.

http://impassioned-mystery.blogspot.com/

the ninja returns

2005-09-17T00:16:00.001-05:00

to my too-numerous-to-name readers: i apologize for my absence these past weeks. things have been busy with school and work and squandering my youth and beauty on sweet, sweet booze. and that damn boy with his damn hurricane had me worried and distracted for several weeks. in truth he's distracted me some years longer than that, but the hurricane really upped the ante. what a destructive force. the hurricane was pretty bad too. AYE OH!

dr. mystery inspired me to love a blog again with his recent post. i must embrace truth and hilarity through the written word. things have been pretty great here. i have a personal painting studio on campus and it is huge and well lit. there are 6 seperate studios in one bay and 6 in the other. i think i lucked out with the side i picked. all figurative painters of varying degrees (which is extremely rare in any contemporary program) and we all seem to work in the studio a lot or at least similar hours. it has been great staying up late at night getting work done, listening to good music, drinking beer, and having people to talk to when i need a break. the other bay has a lot of married people and commuters so they don't tend to be around as much, almost entirely abstract artists. i also lucked out with my side's generally high quality taste in music. i sort of took that for granted, but i believe i heard some loreena mckevitt or shania twain or some such shit wafting over from the other side and i realized how closely i had missed the bullet. you only hear them when they miss, professor romance once told me. i have been doing a lot more thinking and prepping than i normally do before painting. it is somewhat intimidating to be entering a graduate program. i want to start off strong, so i have been sketching and revisting ideas as opposed to jumping in the second an idea hits as i usually do. i have been questioning my motivations and intentions, how i've been approaching it and whether that is how i want to continue working. a lot of introspection. i can only get so much done theorizing, however, so this weekend i am planning to just jump in and get some work done.

the assistantship has been incredibly hectic and much more stressful than i would have hoped. i have been doing more hours each week than i am supposed to, but there are so many close deadlines that i have to stay to make them. i will make the free time up later when things are less under pressure. it is a pretty good job for me though. tons of "multi-tasking" which i am pretty naturally inclined to do. it has been frustrating to bend to the specifics of the director of the show for the poster ideas. i spent a day and a half reworking my original design (the one that most closely followed his specifications, but which was the most boring) in hopes of coming up with something a little more interesting. he came in and very politely shot down everything. as my boss put it, at least i knew exactly what he wanted from the start. it just sort of kills whatever desire i have to create attractive and creative posters when i know they will lose to whatever simpering idea the director came into the first meeting with. it reminds me a little too much of my last job in that sense, but it is different in most every other way and i usually enjoy being there.

I have been getting involved with one of the galleries in town. it is entirely grad student run and they are looking for new grad students to pass the torch along to. this is the sort of thing i tend to gravitate towards, although it usually contributes to my glorious downfall. i just really want it to succeed as there are not a lot of exhibition opportunities or artistically social places in town. i know i will get involved. they have been having touring rock shows there once a week or so to raise money as there are not many art shows booked until the spring. the music has actually been pretty enjoyable. i expected tons of poorly done punk and emo bullshit.

i saw broken flowers with a friend the other night at the independent theatre. it was so good. i am in love with bill murray as always. i believe i should own everything he has been in. i also appear to love jim jarmusch as everything i have seen of his so far has struck me as excellent. honest, but also posed, but in a way that makes it seem very real. really nice to watch. i loved the way it looked. and really funny. bill murray is a genius. he can just sit and look at something and i crack up. my movie-critqueing skills are lackluster, but you should see it if you haven't. i'm not a moviebot for a reason.

i will try and write more later. i don't own a computer so it is hard to make time. i have a totally sexy mac g5 at work, but i don't have much screwing around time there. right now i am up late in the 24-hour lab. tomorrow i am going to the farmer's market in the morning, working out at the sweet campus gym after that, going ice skating with a group of friends in the afternoon, working in the studio the rest of the day, and then going to a concert and getting drunk late that night. it is a ridiculous and lucky life.

working on racecars to raise awareness

2005-08-30T13:58:00.000-05:00

i hope to hear from professor romance soon, even though i'm sure he busted the hurricane's lady-nuts. he called me as he was leaving town for the mandatory evacuation, so he didn't stay to watch it like last time.

welcome to my bee-laden tent! (alternately titled: usa tents osama bee-laden)

2005-08-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

classes start monday. i went to a welcome fair today. welcome tent would perhaps be more appropriate. there was punch and muffins covered in bees. holy shit those bees love their muffins! i got some pamplets and a bottle opener keychain. the keychain will see the most use. i can't wait to get it home and start opening things. i'm not allowed to register for classes until tomorrow. that's right. the absolute first day i can register is not quite a full 3 days before classes start. thank god i got here a month early so i could sit on my ass, not accomplishing anything until the weekend classes start. this system is ridiculously designed. everything i need to do as a new student relies on my being registered for classes. they foully insure that all the same assholes are trying to do the same things over the same 3 days. what fuckmouths. there is a mandatory orientation today for new visual and performing arts graduate students . i am looking forward to that even though i know i really shouldn't. i'm guessing it will be useless and demeaning, but there has been such a lack of structure or official welcome since i got here i am thankful for what i can get at this point. i have been putting in hours at my assistantship at the drama department this week so i won't have to go in next week. my job seems like it will be pretty great. this week was mostly just getting me into the system and sort of introducing me to the job. essentially i will design all of the posters and programs for the drama department in exchange for full tuition and a stipend. it is a sweet, delicious deal and i can't believe i got this lucky. there is quite a bit more work involved in the process than i had anticipated, but i am actually looking forward to it. well, i must run and find some shorts with my school's name on the ass cheeks. i can't wait for my ass to finally get it's glory! back off mouth, you've had your turn! it's the bootie's time to get a word.

shine on fair rump. shine on.

my new friend

2005-08-23T13:13:00.000-05:00

good lord. last night i was laying on my couch in the dark flipping through some tv before going to bed when i noticed movement above my head. my initial thought was that perhaps i had had too much to drink. second thought: a large moth had invaded my house and was about to hide in my closet and eat my clothes. third thought: okay that is a sparrow. how the hell did a swooping sparrow get in my house? fourth and most accurate observation: holy shit that is a swooping bat! it wants to bite my head and give me rabies! at the zoo i think bats are cute with their old man/baby monkey faces and little winged rat bodies. i'm not a scaredy cat! but in my house, dive bombing my head with great speed and vigor it gave my heart a heavy-handed adrenaline massage. i know it is more scared than me, but it was doing figure 8s around the house and giving me the finger. my fight or flight kicked in. i fought! after i beat senor bat in a competition of wits and flying ability, his pride was severely bruised and he was EAGER to leave! i opened the back door and clapped a few times, hoping that would attract his sonar reflexes. he flew right out into the night, highfiving me on the way. i think we are on okay terms.

my arms are sore and i'm full of berries

2005-08-15T15:42:00.000-05:00

yesterday i went blueberry picking with some guys i've been hanging out with who are recent graduates of the mfa program here. it was great to be outside- it was an overcast day with a dramatic sky. i watched a large group of birds circling over a small river nearby, thought how beautiful they were and then realized they were probably following something about to die. still beautiful, but not just pretty anymore. it was nice to be alone in a big field just thinking about life and putting blueberries into a bucket.

afterwards we went kayaking in a lake nearby. we each rented our own kayak and got to it. again, nice to be alone in the middle of an open space with just my thoughts and the uncomplicated (at most times) action of paddling. i could have fallen asleep out there it was so relaxing. at one point we tried to explore a very shallow and narrow water path that strayed off of the lake. we only got so far into the swampiness of this inlet before we could go no further. the brush was too thick, the water was too shallow, we were really just paddling through sludge. it was so tight that to get myself out i had to push backward through the muck with my oar like i was a a venetian gondolier, except with swamp muck on me instead of suave sexuality and lip sores. it all would have been quite appropriate with some cliched dueling banjos. instead we had lots of frogs that were barking at us.

afterwards we had some amazing indian food in a nearby town in our filthy, filthy, soaking wet pants. to keep my hands clean i had to train myself to keep my hands off of my pants and the pants of others while i ate. it was extremely difficult and not without a few awkward moments. the night was finished off with two movies, coffee and cigarettes which i had wanted to see and another movie which falls under the predilection for bad movies that one of my new friends is a victim of. it involved gold-coated dicks.

move it like you like it

2005-08-12T16:55:00.000-05:00

so i just moved from the midwest to the northeast. they are bitter rivals and i am torn by my love of each. i am torn asunder! i have been in my new home for almost two weeks. my first occupation was cleaning and unpacking. my mom and brother were here for a few days and we kept it real. now i am living the single life once more. i am remembering the fabulousness of solitary living and also the oddness. wednesday night i drank beer while doing pilates and watching a hank williams documentary on pbs. what a life i have! i can be limber and drink all of the time and i have no obligation to anyone, including myself. but that's also where i can see the isolation creep in. the fact that i could sit for days and do nothing but watch the people's court and it really would have the same effect on the world as if i drove around and looked at things or talked to people that i meet or read a book or painted. that's sort of depressing. i have been blessed (or cursed) with a few weeks of absolute free time before school starts and i can't say for certain what i am going to do with it. if i had heard myself bitching about such a thing a few weeks ago, i would have gone casual ninja on my own ass. it is a good thing, and i have no desire to complain. boredom births this blog.